Psalm 121:1 I lift up my eyes to the hills--where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip--he who watches over you will not slumber. The Lord will keep you from all harm, he will watch over our life!!
I praise God that He does watch over me every day. I know He cares about even the little things in our lives. Today is a good day for me. I got to take off my dressing and finally take a shower--oh, it felt so good. Amazes me how much betadine they use and the areas of my body that is covered with it. I think we got most of it off now. Yea!!! I got up and watered all my plants--inside and outside. I straightened up the kitchen but don't worry, I'm mostly sitting around resting. It's hard...I have to admit when I see that the kitchen could use a sweeping and mopping, etc. My boys are working and daughter is gone most of the time. Larry has been busy trying to fix up Sarah's computer that crashed yesterday. Oh, that reminds me. Larry bought me a laptop so I can use the computer on these days when I don't feel like sitting at the computer desk. I am enjoying it. Thanks my dear hubby!!! I was able to sleep in my bed last night. I am just using tylenol to help out with pain. It's not much but it is hard to bring my right arm to my left arm or to raise it up. It will get better..... I didn't hear from the doctor yesterday about the fluid from lung so hoping to hear on Monday. Christopher cooked dinner for me last night--did a good job. Brandon plans to do it tonight. God is good to me that my boys enjoy cooking!!! I am able to eat whatever now-- no more nausea. Thanks for your prayers.
Psalm 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Friday, May 8, 2009
post-op day1
II Kings 20:5 I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will heal you!
I had the port-a-cath inserted yesterday and all went well. We decided to go ahead and do it under general anesthesia even though I could have been just sedated but the surgeon prefers that way so that I would be absolutely still and it's such a short procedure that I wouldn't need much medication nor did I have the intubation tube put down my throat. All went well and the port is in place. Yea!!! Now they will be able to use it for chemo and lab can draw blood from it. Too bad they couldn't have used it yesterday for after surgery they went ahead and drained the fluid from the lung lining. I had to have some blood work first and the lab tech stuck me 4 times!!! I was stuck twice for the IV prior to surgery. They can only use my right arm for needle sticks since I had the axillary nodes biopsied a few weeks ago. After I recovered some from day surgery which went well at first, then they took me down to radiology for the fluid drainage (thoracentesis). I got sick and vomited on the way down (I had a basin with me to throw up in). I think the Morphine they gave me for pain made me sick. They drained 450 cc (almost half a liter) of fluid from my left lung lining. It will be tested and I should hear by Monday what it is. I am praying that it's not cancer. I feel better now on the left side. I've been having pain there but I contributed it nerve damage pain. The pain is less so maybe some of that pain was from the fluid. My lungs tolerated the procedure well and there were no complications. Praise God!!! As I sat up after the procedure, I threw up quite a bit!!! Poor techs and nurse but they were good and supportive. Finally went home around 5 pm. Just laid in the recyliner chair all evening and night and today!!! I felt some nausea off and on but never vomited again. Have eaten some but not much. I really don't like the pain meds so wanted only tylenol (can't have Ibruprofen for 24 hours) but we couldn't find any Tylenol in our house. Larry went to town today and bought some so finally got some at 3 pm. I don't hurt much when just sitting here but when I get up, oh, does it hurt. I'm sure it will be better tomorrow. It's not worse than the lumpectomy as I heard that it might be. I will be able to take off the dressing tomorrow and shower. Did take a little sponge bath and got most of the betadine stuff off--boy, that felt good, however, I was some dizziness being up which made me nauseated too. I was quite cranky with my family today (tired and in pain). I wanted the laptop computer (my daughter's) but my husband started downloading stuff which took forever. I was an unhappy camper--had to apologize to everyone. I need to be more patient and kind. :) Thanks for your prayers. I had such peace going into surgery--my blood pressure was even down!!! :) By the time I had the throacentesis, my blood pressure was high but probably due to pain. I'm okay now. Love you all.
Colossians 3:15-17 Let the peace of God rule in your hearts....and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom and as you sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God.
I had the port-a-cath inserted yesterday and all went well. We decided to go ahead and do it under general anesthesia even though I could have been just sedated but the surgeon prefers that way so that I would be absolutely still and it's such a short procedure that I wouldn't need much medication nor did I have the intubation tube put down my throat. All went well and the port is in place. Yea!!! Now they will be able to use it for chemo and lab can draw blood from it. Too bad they couldn't have used it yesterday for after surgery they went ahead and drained the fluid from the lung lining. I had to have some blood work first and the lab tech stuck me 4 times!!! I was stuck twice for the IV prior to surgery. They can only use my right arm for needle sticks since I had the axillary nodes biopsied a few weeks ago. After I recovered some from day surgery which went well at first, then they took me down to radiology for the fluid drainage (thoracentesis). I got sick and vomited on the way down (I had a basin with me to throw up in). I think the Morphine they gave me for pain made me sick. They drained 450 cc (almost half a liter) of fluid from my left lung lining. It will be tested and I should hear by Monday what it is. I am praying that it's not cancer. I feel better now on the left side. I've been having pain there but I contributed it nerve damage pain. The pain is less so maybe some of that pain was from the fluid. My lungs tolerated the procedure well and there were no complications. Praise God!!! As I sat up after the procedure, I threw up quite a bit!!! Poor techs and nurse but they were good and supportive. Finally went home around 5 pm. Just laid in the recyliner chair all evening and night and today!!! I felt some nausea off and on but never vomited again. Have eaten some but not much. I really don't like the pain meds so wanted only tylenol (can't have Ibruprofen for 24 hours) but we couldn't find any Tylenol in our house. Larry went to town today and bought some so finally got some at 3 pm. I don't hurt much when just sitting here but when I get up, oh, does it hurt. I'm sure it will be better tomorrow. It's not worse than the lumpectomy as I heard that it might be. I will be able to take off the dressing tomorrow and shower. Did take a little sponge bath and got most of the betadine stuff off--boy, that felt good, however, I was some dizziness being up which made me nauseated too. I was quite cranky with my family today (tired and in pain). I wanted the laptop computer (my daughter's) but my husband started downloading stuff which took forever. I was an unhappy camper--had to apologize to everyone. I need to be more patient and kind. :) Thanks for your prayers. I had such peace going into surgery--my blood pressure was even down!!! :) By the time I had the throacentesis, my blood pressure was high but probably due to pain. I'm okay now. Love you all.
Colossians 3:15-17 Let the peace of God rule in your hearts....and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom and as you sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Surgery on Thursday & CT scan results
Psalm 46:1-2 God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea.
Tomorrow I am having surgery to have a port-a -cath placement. It should be a quick and simple procedure. I talked to the dr. today about it and asked if I could just have sedative instead of genearl anesthesia and he said probably but I will be talking to the anesthesiologist in the morning and we can discuss it then. I am not worried about the surgery--have peace about it. It's a busy day for my boys but I think we have transportation all worked out for them to go to their various activities. The dr. called me this evening and told me that the CT scan showed that I have fluid in my lung lining and he wants to drain it to have the fluid tested. He doesn't know if that happened during my lumpectomy surgery since that node was next to the lung lining or something else. He asked if I had pain but I don't except for that one day a few days after surgery when I got the chest X-ray to check it out. I have no shortness of breath or any symptoms. The bad thing is that he didn't have time to get it set up to have the fluid drained while in surgery--have to do it in radiology with a CT Scan. So, probably will have to go back to the hospital on Friday. I am trying not to be worried about this but I am concerned and praying that it has nothing to do with cancer. Pray along with me. I am really tired today but just think...I can sleep all day tomorrow!!!! Love you all!!! Thanks for your prayers!!! I know that God is in complete control and He already knows why that fluid is there and what it is. I will just trust in Him!!!
Isaiah 46:4 I am He, I am He who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you!!!!
Tomorrow I am having surgery to have a port-a -cath placement. It should be a quick and simple procedure. I talked to the dr. today about it and asked if I could just have sedative instead of genearl anesthesia and he said probably but I will be talking to the anesthesiologist in the morning and we can discuss it then. I am not worried about the surgery--have peace about it. It's a busy day for my boys but I think we have transportation all worked out for them to go to their various activities. The dr. called me this evening and told me that the CT scan showed that I have fluid in my lung lining and he wants to drain it to have the fluid tested. He doesn't know if that happened during my lumpectomy surgery since that node was next to the lung lining or something else. He asked if I had pain but I don't except for that one day a few days after surgery when I got the chest X-ray to check it out. I have no shortness of breath or any symptoms. The bad thing is that he didn't have time to get it set up to have the fluid drained while in surgery--have to do it in radiology with a CT Scan. So, probably will have to go back to the hospital on Friday. I am trying not to be worried about this but I am concerned and praying that it has nothing to do with cancer. Pray along with me. I am really tired today but just think...I can sleep all day tomorrow!!!! Love you all!!! Thanks for your prayers!!! I know that God is in complete control and He already knows why that fluid is there and what it is. I will just trust in Him!!!
Isaiah 46:4 I am He, I am He who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you!!!!
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Hair decision
I Peter 3:3-4 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is of great worth in God's sight.
My husband and I are debating on what to do with my hair. More than likely, I will be losing it when I start chemo. I was wanting to cut it to my chin and then when it starts to fall out, shave it off. But my husband thinks I should go ahead and get most of cut off so I can donate my hair to 'Locks of Love' (organization that makes wigs out of real hair). I have donated hair before but my hair was much longer then whereas if I cut that much off now (10 inches), it will be really short. So, I said, if I cut it that short, might as well shave it then and start wearing a wig. He doesn't think I should have the beautician shave my head (not sure if he wants it shaved, but I do). I don't want a short hairdo then suddenly start wearing a wig with mid-length hair. I don't want people to really notice (people I hardly know) that there is something that much different. I don't want people to feel sorry for me...Such silly thoughts, I guess. Am I being vain? Well, still have time to consider what to do. I've been looking for wigs online but would like to look here in town first. Maybe I'll be lucky and get the chemo that you don't lose hair--wouldn't that be nice!!!! I'm feeling much better today--did a lot of work--probably over worked but there are things that needed to be done. I had to take advil for the nerve damage pain was hurting more than usual this evening but now it is feeling much better. Thanks to all who are praying. Love you. God is awesome for He cares even about the little things!!!!
James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives gernerously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.
My husband and I are debating on what to do with my hair. More than likely, I will be losing it when I start chemo. I was wanting to cut it to my chin and then when it starts to fall out, shave it off. But my husband thinks I should go ahead and get most of cut off so I can donate my hair to 'Locks of Love' (organization that makes wigs out of real hair). I have donated hair before but my hair was much longer then whereas if I cut that much off now (10 inches), it will be really short. So, I said, if I cut it that short, might as well shave it then and start wearing a wig. He doesn't think I should have the beautician shave my head (not sure if he wants it shaved, but I do). I don't want a short hairdo then suddenly start wearing a wig with mid-length hair. I don't want people to really notice (people I hardly know) that there is something that much different. I don't want people to feel sorry for me...Such silly thoughts, I guess. Am I being vain? Well, still have time to consider what to do. I've been looking for wigs online but would like to look here in town first. Maybe I'll be lucky and get the chemo that you don't lose hair--wouldn't that be nice!!!! I'm feeling much better today--did a lot of work--probably over worked but there are things that needed to be done. I had to take advil for the nerve damage pain was hurting more than usual this evening but now it is feeling much better. Thanks to all who are praying. Love you. God is awesome for He cares even about the little things!!!!
James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives gernerously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.
Monday, May 4, 2009
X-rays and distractions
Hebrews 12:2 Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith....
Today I had a CT Scan of the abdomen and pelvis plus a bone scan. All went pretty well except when the lady started my IV for the dye injection, my blood squirted out so fast that it spilled onto my jeans. It was a mess and of course, you really can't clean up it so I had to walk around with this terrible wet, blood stained jeans. (I almost wore my beige jeans, praise God that I didn't). I did alot of waiting around and since I live 30 minutes away from the hospital, I just sat in my car in the hospital parking lot reading a Barbara Johnson book (she's so funny but serious too). I probably won't know x-ray results until I see the onocologist on May 15.
This morning during my quiet time with the Lord, I was reminded about Peter when he was walking on water. When he kept his eyes on Jesus, all was well but when he got distracted from the waves around him, he began to sink. I was like Peter yesterday. I was reading on breastcancer.org website on the discussion borads about port placements and chemo. After reading quite a few posts, I got anxious about the port placement for I thought it would be a simple procedure and the next day, I'll be up and running around again. Well, there is a possiblity that I will experience pain for a few days. (still having some pain on left side from muscle tightness). Then I saw some women mention a couple of chemos that the radiation dr. said I might be receiving and they said that one is usually given for a year and the other one is given for 5 years. I guess I thought that I will be given chemo for a few months and then it will all over and I will go on my merry way. Well, I did feel some anxiety which I've not really felt during this time. However, I was reminded of scriptures (they are all over my house-lol) that God is with me and He is in control. I, like Peter, took my eyes off Jesus and that is why I had the anxiety but now my eyes are focused back on Jesus and I am feeling that peace again. I am glad I read those posts so that if those things occur, I won't be so surprised. And whatever happens, so be it. I will do whatever it takes to be sure we get rid of any lurking cancer cells. God is in control and He has a plan for my life. Okay, God, you are in the driver's seat again.
I had another experience today that caught me off guard. I recieved a wonderful gift from a friend who lives near Washington DC. She sent me my first hat to wear when I lose my hair. It is a blue jean type and very cute--thanks Melissa!!! Anyway, I put up my hair and hid my bangs to see what I would look like and I suddenly got very teary eyed. Guess it just hit me that this is real and it's probably going to happen. I've been thinking about the loss of my hair alot to prepare myself but guess we are not always prepared like we think. I'm going to be fine--I know I will. Hope my family will be....I know they will be too. Love you all. Keep your eyes on Jesus no matter what circumstances you find yourself in.
Jeremiah 29:11 I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
Today I had a CT Scan of the abdomen and pelvis plus a bone scan. All went pretty well except when the lady started my IV for the dye injection, my blood squirted out so fast that it spilled onto my jeans. It was a mess and of course, you really can't clean up it so I had to walk around with this terrible wet, blood stained jeans. (I almost wore my beige jeans, praise God that I didn't). I did alot of waiting around and since I live 30 minutes away from the hospital, I just sat in my car in the hospital parking lot reading a Barbara Johnson book (she's so funny but serious too). I probably won't know x-ray results until I see the onocologist on May 15.
This morning during my quiet time with the Lord, I was reminded about Peter when he was walking on water. When he kept his eyes on Jesus, all was well but when he got distracted from the waves around him, he began to sink. I was like Peter yesterday. I was reading on breastcancer.org website on the discussion borads about port placements and chemo. After reading quite a few posts, I got anxious about the port placement for I thought it would be a simple procedure and the next day, I'll be up and running around again. Well, there is a possiblity that I will experience pain for a few days. (still having some pain on left side from muscle tightness). Then I saw some women mention a couple of chemos that the radiation dr. said I might be receiving and they said that one is usually given for a year and the other one is given for 5 years. I guess I thought that I will be given chemo for a few months and then it will all over and I will go on my merry way. Well, I did feel some anxiety which I've not really felt during this time. However, I was reminded of scriptures (they are all over my house-lol) that God is with me and He is in control. I, like Peter, took my eyes off Jesus and that is why I had the anxiety but now my eyes are focused back on Jesus and I am feeling that peace again. I am glad I read those posts so that if those things occur, I won't be so surprised. And whatever happens, so be it. I will do whatever it takes to be sure we get rid of any lurking cancer cells. God is in control and He has a plan for my life. Okay, God, you are in the driver's seat again.
I had another experience today that caught me off guard. I recieved a wonderful gift from a friend who lives near Washington DC. She sent me my first hat to wear when I lose my hair. It is a blue jean type and very cute--thanks Melissa!!! Anyway, I put up my hair and hid my bangs to see what I would look like and I suddenly got very teary eyed. Guess it just hit me that this is real and it's probably going to happen. I've been thinking about the loss of my hair alot to prepare myself but guess we are not always prepared like we think. I'm going to be fine--I know I will. Hope my family will be....I know they will be too. Love you all. Keep your eyes on Jesus no matter what circumstances you find yourself in.
Jeremiah 29:11 I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Exercise
I Samuel 3:18 He is the Lord; let Him do what is good in His eyes.
I am feeling pretty well these days except the muscles around the left breast is still stiff. I am trying to remember to exercise my left arm frequently but I find myself keeping that arm near my side without even thinking. I took my step-mom to rehab (she had shoulder surgery the same day I had the lumpectomy) the other day and watched the kind of exercises she was doing. I am doing similar exercises. They made her do them for 5 minutes a piece except one which she had to do for 20 times. I haven't been exercising that much so I'm going to do better starting today. I try using that arm when I need to so that it helps. I took a 2 mile walk yesterday with my neighbor. I need to do that every day to build my strength. I keep reading that exercise is helpful during cancer treatments however, there hasn't been enough studies to prove it but we all know that exercise is good for us.
Last night I watched a movie on Hallmark about a woman with breast cancer. It was emotional and I cried alot (I cry easily when watching movies-lol). I could identify in so many ways and then it was good for me to see some of the things she did. I wish my family had watched it too but they didn't. I think it was called "Living Out Loud"
I have decided that I need to be a spokesperson for the breast MRI and I will start by writing a letter to my own gyn dr. who refused to let me have the breast MRI. ( Lucky for me that the surgeon ordered the MRI) Last night I wrote it out on paper so now I just need to type it up and send it out. If I can help other women in finding these intramammary lymph nodes that might have cancer, then my own fight will be worth it.
Tomorrow I go to the hospital to have a CT Scan of the abdomen and pelvis plus a bone scan. It will be an all morning thing. (boring too).
Jeremiah 32:26 I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?
I am feeling pretty well these days except the muscles around the left breast is still stiff. I am trying to remember to exercise my left arm frequently but I find myself keeping that arm near my side without even thinking. I took my step-mom to rehab (she had shoulder surgery the same day I had the lumpectomy) the other day and watched the kind of exercises she was doing. I am doing similar exercises. They made her do them for 5 minutes a piece except one which she had to do for 20 times. I haven't been exercising that much so I'm going to do better starting today. I try using that arm when I need to so that it helps. I took a 2 mile walk yesterday with my neighbor. I need to do that every day to build my strength. I keep reading that exercise is helpful during cancer treatments however, there hasn't been enough studies to prove it but we all know that exercise is good for us.
Last night I watched a movie on Hallmark about a woman with breast cancer. It was emotional and I cried alot (I cry easily when watching movies-lol). I could identify in so many ways and then it was good for me to see some of the things she did. I wish my family had watched it too but they didn't. I think it was called "Living Out Loud"
I have decided that I need to be a spokesperson for the breast MRI and I will start by writing a letter to my own gyn dr. who refused to let me have the breast MRI. ( Lucky for me that the surgeon ordered the MRI) Last night I wrote it out on paper so now I just need to type it up and send it out. If I can help other women in finding these intramammary lymph nodes that might have cancer, then my own fight will be worth it.
Tomorrow I go to the hospital to have a CT Scan of the abdomen and pelvis plus a bone scan. It will be an all morning thing. (boring too).
Jeremiah 32:26 I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?
Friday, May 1, 2009
Hot Flashes & shaving
Psalm 28:7 The Lord is my strength and my shield, my heart trusts in him and I am helped.
I am having hot flashes!!! I had a hysterectomy last summer so was put on estrogen. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I was taken off the estrogen right away. Well, I remember that I had taken some over-the-counter herbal stuff from Walmart to help with hot flashes before I had the hysterectomy so decided that I would do that again. But I didn't read what was in the herbal med--called Estroblend. Well, the dr. I saw yesterday told me that it probably had something in it that had similar properties as estrogen (sure enough--it has soy) so he told me I need to get off of it. Now, what am I going to do., lol.....guess I will just live with these hot flashes. I was having mild ones anyway so we'll see what happens. My kids think it's funny when I am cold then suddenly I yank the blankets off because I'm burning up!!!!
The other day I wrote saying that I couldn't shave under my left arm due to numbness. Well, since I had to see the dr. yesterday, I made myself finally shave anyway---are you happy now, Michelle? :) It wasn't too hard after all. Just feels weird.
My daughter came home last night real sad. I asked her what was troubling her. She's in a play right now in her college ( in fact, we are about to go watch her in an hour) and it turns out that another actress had lost her mom this past Christmas to breast cancer. The girl was crying since this was the first play her mom hasn't been to. Sarah wept with her and tried to comfort her and I guess it scared her. She asked me "how serious is your cancer?" I reassured her that many women survive breast cancer and I really feel that I'm going to be around for a long time. Just pray for her and my other children too that their faith will be strong too as we travel this road together as a family. My boys are home with me alot so hear me talk about my faith and what is going on so they seem okay but my daughter is gone and so busy so she's not around to get that reassurance. God is good and will help my family too. I pray that they all have the peace that only God can give!!! Love you all. Thanks again for your prayers.
Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of waht we do not see.
I am having hot flashes!!! I had a hysterectomy last summer so was put on estrogen. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I was taken off the estrogen right away. Well, I remember that I had taken some over-the-counter herbal stuff from Walmart to help with hot flashes before I had the hysterectomy so decided that I would do that again. But I didn't read what was in the herbal med--called Estroblend. Well, the dr. I saw yesterday told me that it probably had something in it that had similar properties as estrogen (sure enough--it has soy) so he told me I need to get off of it. Now, what am I going to do., lol.....guess I will just live with these hot flashes. I was having mild ones anyway so we'll see what happens. My kids think it's funny when I am cold then suddenly I yank the blankets off because I'm burning up!!!!
The other day I wrote saying that I couldn't shave under my left arm due to numbness. Well, since I had to see the dr. yesterday, I made myself finally shave anyway---are you happy now, Michelle? :) It wasn't too hard after all. Just feels weird.
My daughter came home last night real sad. I asked her what was troubling her. She's in a play right now in her college ( in fact, we are about to go watch her in an hour) and it turns out that another actress had lost her mom this past Christmas to breast cancer. The girl was crying since this was the first play her mom hasn't been to. Sarah wept with her and tried to comfort her and I guess it scared her. She asked me "how serious is your cancer?" I reassured her that many women survive breast cancer and I really feel that I'm going to be around for a long time. Just pray for her and my other children too that their faith will be strong too as we travel this road together as a family. My boys are home with me alot so hear me talk about my faith and what is going on so they seem okay but my daughter is gone and so busy so she's not around to get that reassurance. God is good and will help my family too. I pray that they all have the peace that only God can give!!! Love you all. Thanks again for your prayers.
Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of waht we do not see.
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